If you meet someone for whatever purpose or non-purpose, then what feelings would you like that person to hold for you? Of course that varies depending on whom that person is and the respective social situation. Yet you may significantly influence that by your own very behavior because the other person reacts in response to the social role that you deploy and will likely react differently as depending on which social role that you deploy.
However in order to be able to do this in an intelligent and flexible manner need you become sociofluid; meaning that you need develop the social skills to be able to successfully socially adapt yourselves to almost any social situation/context. Learning elective sociofluidity means understanding that social roles such as genders are merely the surface of personhood. Yet in order to successfully communicate with others is it very helpful if you are subculturally/culturally sensitive, meaning that you are able to adapt yourself to the subcultural/cultural references of the person with whom you socially interact.
In effect is it possible for you to program what feelings others will hold for you by programming your own social roles in manner that is expressive of your own emotions as opposed to disguising your own emotions, something which highly intelligent psychopaths unfortunately systematically tend to do. Then how are they able to do it and is it possible for anyone to do this programming, yet certainly by means of high ethical standards?
There are essentially two kinds of empathy, the first type is the psychopathic kind of empathy which is logical empathy without much disturbing and confusing emotions of sympathy/affection. Emotional usually unthinking empathy is the other type of empathy. Yet what if humans generally including psychopaths were trained in emotionally intelligent empathy, namely a third form of empathy that is both emotional and logical?
We need to stop looking at persons with functional variations (diagnoses etc.) as problems and rather think in terms of what others can learn from them. Indeed are we all part of a vast spectrum of functional variation. If you are not an intelligent psychopath then logical empathy is certainly something that you can and should learn from intelligent psychopaths.
So how then do you do that? First, unless you are a psychopath would you probably find it difficult to be as emotionally unattached as a psychopath. In fact you should not want to be as emotionally unattached as a psychopath. Why? Aside from obvious ethical reasons should you understand that psychopaths are very easily bored and experience only a small number of emotions while most other humans experience a rainbow of emotions that are confusing when two or more emotions come into conflict. Since a psychopath experiences fewer emotions does s/he not tend to get emotionally confused because as s/he experiences much fewer emotions is it also much less likely that these emotions come into conflict with each other.
When you temporarily or permanently become a slave of your own emotions and let yourself become ruled by emotional confusion is that essentially because you do not sufficiently understand your own emotions. What you thus need to do is to learn to understand your own emotions and especially how these emotions of yours come into conflict with each other in making you feel confused, frustrated, clueless etc.
Then why do some (or even most) social situations make you feel frustrated and confused? The primary reason is relative lack of social skills although of course if you are hypersensitive may these things become even more painful. Latent physionomism (racism, sexism, transphobia etc) are typically triggered by social deficit, namely you do not know how to behave because no one taught you and you probably did not think critically in terms of how you yourself actually ought to behave.
Hypersensitive people and psychopathic people are opposite ends on the same psychometric spectrum. Psychopaths experience too few types of emotions while hypersensitive people experience far too many emotions (indeed confusing cocktails of emotions) and both categories of persons experience significant distress as a result. Psychopaths have effective defensive mechanisms that more effectively protect them against unhelpful introjection while hypersensitives tend to introject emotions of others all the time to a degree that tends to become severely confusing and indeed emotionally extremely frustrating. An intelligent psychopath is a hyper-projector while a a hypersensitive is a hyper-introjector. Indeed the more emotions you have that come into conflict in certain socio-psychological situations the more difficult it is to understand those very conflicting emotions and thus cease to be a slave of those emotional conflicts within yourself.
Most adolescent and post-adolescent humans of all genders in Western societies desire to become master seducers. First, after experiencing social confusion-frustration need you take the time and write down the emotions that you experienced and try to understand them from a critical perspective. Second, becoming increasingly sociofluid means learning to appropriately (i.e. attractively) express those emotions of yours without having a hidden agenda and without disguising your real emotions as that tends to be experienced as creepy, unattractive and repulsive; something which tends to make psychopaths less socially effective than what is commonly assumed.
No matter what emotions you experience need you learn to behaviorally and communicatively give appropriate (i.e. attractive) expression to those emotions of yours. E.g. if you experience irrational hatred, then learning to constructively talk about that is a good way to start.
Many emotions are about exterior expectations that emotionally speaking certainly are not your own whether socially internalized or experienced by you in interaction with others. For instance have heterocultural men typically internalized expectations that they should sleep with a new woman every night. Many heterocultural men make do with one woman even if he does not really like her personality (as is usually the case) because he feels that it is better than nothing, meaning that it is about getting free domestic labor, including free sexual services. However, the fact is that most heterocultural one-night stands are alcohol-infused and ultimately disappointing. She is typically sad that he did not actually really like her and thus does not want to befriend her. He is typically disappointed because he did not actually like her as a person and so that made the sex much less fun because there was only limited interpersonal connection.
It is not that heterocultural men typically do not desire many partners, heterocultural women also typically desire many partners, but rather that social deficit, meaning lack of sociofluidity is in the way. Interpersonal intimacy (friendship, sex, relationship etc.) is performative, i.e. it is neither true nor false and it is something that you do as opposed to something that you get.
Being socially competent in a conventional narrow sense means being able to master prescribed social roles that are assigned to you by ethnocratic/patriarchal cultural hegemony. Becoming increasingly sociofluid in contrast means designing your own social roles in ways so that you learn to intelligently adapt to your fellow persons. Words are only a small part of communication and so becoming increasingly sociofluid means being able to turn your entire body into a multimedia communication device. Highly attractive persons are precisely magnetic because they succeed in expressing their respective individual personhood by attractively conveying their own emotions, meaning in a socially intelligent fashion.
Understanding your own emotions is obviously essential to finding appropriate expression for those emotions and one intelligent way to do that is to simply try to accept (i.e. not repress) your own emotions. You can become reasonably sad in an attractive manner, reasonably upset in an attractive manner and of course obviously hold positive emotions in an attractive manner. For example, how do you put expression to your sexuality in an attractive manner? Well start by learning from how others do it, meaning using body language, facial language, enhanced beauty (fashion, makeup, hairstyles etc.) in enhancing their own interpersonal attractivity. You do not need to invent the wheel and these skills can be applied and expressed through and by most human anatomies. Yet, once you learn to apply those already existing skills can you learn to develop them further, invent new skills and generally become attractively sociofluid by means of designing your social roles anew whenever you so please.
Sociofluidity does not mean controlling your emotions but rather finding appropriate (i.e. attractive) expression to those very emotions of yours. Thus confusion/frustration typically occurs when your various emotions come into conflict with each other and so the essential task is to find appropriate expression to those emotions as opposed to psychologically repressing emotions of yours. Your task is thus not to get rid of emotions but rather consciously devise psycho-social strategies for limiting unwanted and emotionally painful introjection and instead find appropriate expression to emotions that are truly yours.
Introjection may be pleasant if you introject nice feelings but may become emotionally painful if you introject the fears and anxieties of others. How then do you avoid that? Well if you become aware of such unhelpful introjection taking place can you devise psycho-social strategies for preventing and limiting unhelpful introjection and you may also influence the emotions of others by redesigning your own social roles in a manner that will make others feel increasingly comfortable around you. If your own social role triggers feelings of comfort in others will you probably introject those feelings of comfort and thus experience those positive emotions as your own and so you do highly influence what introjection/projection that takes place by means of self-designing your own social roles.
Emotions thus are circular considering how frequently we typically project and introject emotions. It is often difficult to distinguish your own genuine emotions from those simply transferred from others onto you by means of projection/introjection. However to learn how make the essential distinction between your own genuine feelings and those transferred onto you by others is very extremely helpful indeed. Anxiety, frustration and cluelessness in social situations is typically caused by a conflict between your own emotion and the emotion of the other person which are transferred onto you by projection/introjection and so if you can tell the difference is that likely to help a lot.
If you meet an aggressor who tries to quarrel with you should you not respond in kind but instead become politely sarcastic while always maintaining your own calm and composure and so think of them as agents provocateurs whom you should minimally relate to. If you have to argue so as not to become emotionally victimized in a social context which you are unable to quickly leave, then do so without investing emotions and think of it as a strategy game with the ultimate goal of avoiding involuntary harmful introjection that would cause you emotional distress.
Sociofluidity thus also involves being able to limit involuntary introjection. How then does introjection take place? Well, the other person projects and you introject in response. Seduction is basically about projecting your own sexuality in a manner that makes others introject your sexuality and thus makes you appear sexually attractive to them. What you need to do is so make sure to only transfer those emotions that you wish to transfer and you do so by finding appropriate (i.e. attractive) expression for all your emotions by means of your self-designed social role. This means that you may and should perhaps indeed talk about your emotions as long as this is done in a manner that appears attractive to those with whom you interact.
Seduction is only one part of sociofludity yet knowing how to seduce is an important social skill that is essential for psychological well-being. Sociofluidity of course can be abused yet if human society generally becomes trained in sociofluidity does that mean that we effectively beome quite immune to unethical psychological manipulation on the part of others. Sociofluidity involves 1) learning advanced adaptive imitation as a social skill to politely facilitate social interaction, 2) becoming able to take on almost any social role, 3) learning to redesign and self-design your own social roles and 4) importantly learning from experience in becoming increasingly socially intelligent, meaning that you are able to constructively combine emotion and logic when understanding your own social behavior and what psychologically motivates it and that allows you to adapt and advance in sociofluidity.
As you develop increasingly advanced sociofluidity will you learn how to elude unhelpful introjection and that certainly helps you let go of irrational anxiety/fear. Being earnest appropriately (i.e. attractively) in expressing your emotions is an important quality because if you have a hidden agenda such as primarily wanting to get laid with a someone whom you don’t even like as a person will that very likely negatively interfere with the social interaction since you may likely inadvertently express your own insincerity which in most cases ruins the personal chemistry between you and the other person. Don’t pretend but rather find ways to attractively express yourself because aesthetic expressions of idiosyncratic personhood is what we appreciate in art as well as in persons whom we feel attracted to. There is no need to pretend as you need to learn to express your individual personhood through virtually any kind of socially situated role. The difference between a mediocre actor and an excellent actor is that the mediocre actor pretends to be someone else while the good actor is able to enact her personhood by means of virtually any social role no matter how socially situated.
Being sociofluid to varying degrees may include being accentfluid, agefluid, culturefluid, ethnofluid, genderfluid, generationfluid, historyfluid (i.e. being able to adopt/adapt historical roles), politicofluid, (i.e. adapting your arguments to the perspective and cultural/subcultural references of the other), professionfluid, sexualfluid (i.e. learning to enjoy many sexualities) and so on and so forth. Sociofluidity is indeed the very definition of the process of increasingly becoming free from irrational internal restraints as opposed to rationally adhering to jurisprudence and ethical considerations alike. Attractiveness is about self-expression and love is about appreciating self-expression in others. In advancing in sociofluidity will you thus learn to become calculating like a psychopath and ethical like a saint and thus increasingly learning to become a living ethico-political calculation device indeed.
The Intelligence Entrapment Methods documentation project.
The Eurolect – Politics of the Para-Christian documentation project